Monsterously SillyFic!
by PearlyJammer
Summary: What Happens when you take two sleep deprived authors, and they colaborate on a story about insomnia?


Title: Monsterously SillyFic!  
  
Authors: Autumn and Wolvie's 1   
  
E-mail: dyslexic_crisco_penguin_fiend@hotmail.com, and wolvies1@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: R, language and its just not healthy for young people.  
  
Summary: What happens when you get two sleep deprived authors to   
collaborate on a fic about sleep deprevation?   
  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
Why am I  
even layin' here, ain't gonna sleep, I know it, might as well quit  
tryin.  
  
Maybe watch some tv....*flip flip flip* Oh whoa...look at that  
wrench...does like 50,000 different things! Look, I could get at a   
bolt  
in an engine without scrapin' my knuckles!  
  
Course the healing thing takes care of that, but still...it's only   
$9.95  
fer chrissakes, plus shipping and handling...where's that credit card  
Xavier gave me...  
  
*flip flip flip* Oooboy...a blender! WHAT? Man, you are not gettin'  
excited over a blender! Huh. But look at that, I could make peanut  
butter in a plastic cup. That's kinda cool. Don't like peanut butter  
but if I did...where's that credit card Xavier gave me?  
  
*flip flip flip* Man, I gotta watch infomercials more often...look at  
that paint roller! Hell, it does the fuckin' edges for ya and  
everything! Just sucks that paint right up in the tube...and it comes  
with tape for the floor! Where's that credit card Xavier gave me?  
  
*flip flip flip* Now there's somethin' Marie would like...some kinda  
powder stuff ta preserve flowers or some shit...don't understand that,  
but I bet Marie'd like it...yeah, yeah, gotta get her that! Where's  
that credit card...FUCK! Xavier musta been keepin' tabs on me, credit  
card ain't bein' authorized!  
  
Now where's that credit card I stole from Scooter...?  
  
  
  
Ahha! I foundeth Scotty's credit card. Hehehe. What a dumbass,   
I mean really who has a " Super-Fly Player's Club Gold-Platinum-Kick-  
Ass Card 'O Credit" anyway? Scotter sucks. He's so fuckin' lame he   
should be shot.   
Okay, back to the Marie flower-powder stuff. Flower powder? That   
soundls like that hippie saying, what was is flower power? Power of   
flower?   
Oh Damn it. I hate night time. I really, really do. Yeah   
that was repetitive and not really gramaticly correct. Fuck you.   
Stupid pansy ass, oh sorry I thought I saw Scooter there talking to   
me. Er, heard him talking to me. Shit, I'm losing it. I've been   
awake for two solid weeks now.   
My body decided it didn't need sleep after it was in a coma   
for a few days from saving Marie. anyway, I have a problem. Well a   
few actually. A) Marie. I don't know what to think about her. I   
think I love her, so what am I so afraid of? I'm afraid that I'm not   
sure of... oh damnit! There goes that fuckin' song again. That   
brings me to my second problem. I always hear that damn song in my   
mind when she's around. And I fuckin' hate the Partridge family.   
There is nothing natural about a family that travels around the   
country and sings songs. Oh and they live on a damn bus without a   
bathroom! That is just fucked up. But I'm gettin off track.   
I'm really tired. I haven't slept, and I think I'm starting   
to loose my mind. I have a feeling the if I went back to New York,   
I'd sleep really well, but I don't know if I can do that. I mean,   
eventually I'd want to do more than just sleep with her, I men I want   
to sleep with her, but now "sleep" with her. Ya know what I'm   
saying?   
Anyway back to not sleeping. I have super senses, and when I   
haven't slept, they get to by hyper-hyper senses. I'm like a DVD.   
The picture is infinately clearer, the sound is twice as sharp, you   
get it? This reminds me of something that happened with Marie before   
I left............  
  
  
  
See, Scooter don't know it, but his and Jeannie's room...dude, right   
up  
against my wall! I could hear every damn thing that went on in that  
fucking room...fucking, yeah, lots of fucking.  
  
Scooter's a screamer, did ya know that? Yep, screams like a fucking  
bitch. I mean, really, I thought it was Jeannie for the longest but  
then I heard that high-pitched voice screamin' "YES Jean, Just like   
that  
Jean!" and I figured she probably ain't screamin her own name...hell,  
maybe she does, she *is* kinda full of herself.  
  
But nah, Scooter was screamin' like a little girl and pantin' and shit  
and I decided to fuck with him a little, ya know? So I got Marie, who  
can't sleep for shit either since she got my nightmares, to come by my  
room one night about 2 am...that's when Jeannie and Scooter do it.   
Like  
fuckin clockwork. How pitiful is that, man, they got a time for that  
shit.  
  
Anyway, I got Marie ta come to my room and we sat there just crackin   
up,  
I mean really fallin on the floor laughin. She's a wicked kid,   
though,  
and wanted to fuck with em too, so we pressed our faces right up to   
the  
wall and started makin all kinds of loud ass sex sounds.  
  
Cept she was oin it all in a Logan voice and I was doin it in a Marie  
voice...me squealin out "Yes Marie, Just like that!" and her growlin  
"God Logan, do me harder!"  
  
Yeah..that was funny as hell. Shoulda seen their faces the next   
mornin.  
  
  
  
  
Jean came up to me and was all like, "Logan, I think you may have   
some kind of hormonal imbalance."   
  
"Huh?" was about all I could manage. She was making about as much   
sense as Yoda at this point.   
  
"Well, uh, due to some interesting vocal emmisions from you last   
night, I believe you may have some sort of estrogen overload that   
causes your voice to shift in pitch."   
  
I fell to the ground and litteraly laughed my ass off. She's so   
stupid. Christ she's a doctor and she can't even tell when someone's   
fucking with her, versus a serious medical condition. Jesus that   
does't speak well for her carreer. I mean, damn she probably   
mistakes the common cold for the ebola virus, then overmedicates the   
person. Maybe that's why Jubilee hasn't seemed the same....  
  
Oh, hell that is damn cool. A real live walkin' talking' blow up   
sex doll! Heh, that could keep me company till I head back to   
Westchester. I hate running errands for Chuck. And this one was the   
stupidist of all, "see what the mutant reaction is just north of the   
boarder Logan."   
  
I think Chuck just wanted to get rid of me for a few days, I don't   
know why... Oh FUCK! he did it so that little Remy kid can move in   
and steal Marie. Damnit! I'm leaving for New York right now. I'll   
rip Chuck's wheelchair in two, with him in it. Yeah, people say I'm   
paranoid, but I know what's really going on.........  
  
  
  
  
  
Yeah..thinks he slick, bald little fucker, actin' like he's the   
captain  
of some fuckin' starship the way he orders us around...  
  
Anyway, so I got to head up to fuckin Canada again...yeah Chuck, Like   
I  
ain't gotten in enough fuckin trouble up there. But I ain't goin down  
alone, fuck no, I'm takin some fuckers with me. Figure I'd take   
Marie.  
  
But nooo...him and Scooter decide it'd be a great fuckin learning  
exprience for Jubilee. Jubilee, always running around lookin like a  
goddamn banana and shit. Calls me Wolvie fer chrissakes!  
  
Man she just pissed and moaned the whole damn drive, wanted to claw   
her  
fuckin eyes out...hey, that's kinda hot, like a catfight or  
somethin...nevermind. Anyways, she's playin her damned   
music..Backalley  
Boys or some shit, In Stink, I dunno...  
  
Now there's somethin I don't get, the whole boyband thing...ya ever  
notice how there's always one of em who designates himself the badass   
of  
the bunch?  
  
Ya can always tell which one cuz he's gone some pubes on his chin and  
always looks like he's fuckin constipated or somethin...I' sorry dude,  
if at the end of the fuckin day you gotta jump and tiwst and fuckin  
do-si-do..you ain't no badass...  
  
  
Fuck, can't take more of that tearin'-up-my-heart-rippin'-it-to-  
shreds-then-stompin-on-it-changin'-your-mind-and-tapin=it=back-  
together-again song anymoe. It's really anoying, and anatomicaly   
impossible. I mean, I know that when you tear someone's heart out,   
rip it up, and stomp on it, there's just no goin' back.   
  
Like there's no goin' back from me rippin' that damn radio out.   
  
"Dude! That was like way harsh!." the yellow one spoke.  
  
"Man, why does Roguie like you, you're a total dildo."   
  
"Fuck you."   
  
"Like no, dude fuck you!"   
  
"Caution sign."  
  
" Muttonchops."  
  
"Bananna slug."  
  
" Savage."  
  
"Shut up."   
  
Damn that took too long. Jubille is so anoying, maybe I should   
tell Jeanie she has the ebola virus again, that'd teach her. At   
least I'll get to see Marie tonight.   
She came into my room the last night before I left on this   
stupid ass trip. She was cryin' cause she had a nightmare."   
"Logan, it was awful!" tears were streaming dowm her face. "I   
uh, I dreamed you were in the Backstreet Boys!".................  
  
Fuck, like I'd ever be in some fuckin boyband!  
  
But no, Marie thinks it'd be a great idea to *talk* about her  
nightmare..so I get to hear all about me as a Backstreet Boy....  
  
There I am, up on stage with a whole fuckin crowd of 12 year olds  
screamin at me...cheezy pop music starts and...fuck me, am I gettin  
jiggy with it?  
  
Yup, swivellin hips and all. Damn...this is kinda fun, jump, turn,   
hip  
thrust...toss my head...I'm gettin inta this...and shit, I'm good too,  
better than fuckin Derrick or Trevor or whatever the other little  
prick's names are!  
  
Figure I should give all those little girls a little somethin special   
so  
I *SNIKT* out my claws and do a little lick down each one...oh yeah,  
they're screamin now...like that...I want it thatta way...  
  
*shakes outta daze* What the fuck am I doin'??? Hey fuck you  
TrevorDerrickMikey whatever your name is...I ain't no fuckin Backalley  
Boy!! Give em all the middle claw and stalk off stage...  
  
Now Marie seemed ta find this amusing after a while of talkin about   
it,  
wanted me to do the lick thing for her. Hell no, not even for Marie!  
  
Oh fuck, back to Jubilee...she's lookin at me kinda funny now, I   
wonder  
if I said any of that out loud....  
  
  
  
  
  
"Okay, I take it back. You're a fuckin' lunatic with muttonchops."   
  
" Shut up, or I'll tell Jean you aren't feeling well."  
  
"Okay, not another word."   
  
Surprisingly Jubilee stuck to her word. She kept her mouth   
closed for the entire trip. Hehehe. Like that's gonna stop me.  
  
We get back to Westchester and I sling Jubilee over my shoulder.  
  
"Hey what the hell ae you doin' ya hairy old ape?"   
  
I get to Scott and Jean's room, its 2 a.m. Damn, oh well,   
concern for the children comes over sexual fullfilment right?   
  
"Oh Je-LOGAN!"   
  
"Logan?! You're fantasizing about another man while we're having   
sex?"   
  
"No Jean, Logan's at the door."   
  
"Oh, uh Logan what are you doing here?"   
  
"Jubilee's been quite for a few hours, I think she's sick."   
  
"Shit! She must be dying. Scott take her to the medbay at once!"   
  
Now that that's taken care of, I can go see Marie and kill Remy.   
Maybe I can do both at the same time. I sniff around and that   
fuckin' Cajun isn't around. Damn, and YEAH! at the same time.   
  
I knock on the door. I'm afraid of what I'm not sure of, a love   
there is no cure for. I think I love you.  
  
"Really Logan?"   
  
"Really Logan what?" I stare at her confuse.  
  
"I didn't know ou like the Partridge family."   
  
"Uh! I don't I just uh, Marie, I have to tell you something...."....   
  
"Ok, tell me..hey, where's Jubes?"  
  
"Oh, uh...she's got uh..jet-lag, yeah that's it, Jeannie's treatin her  
for jet-lag!"  
  
"Huh. Isn't jet lag from flying...?"  
  
"Whatever, listen, this is important! I...I l..lo..."   
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I uh, I got you this." Shoved the package of flower-powder in her  
hands and made like a tree and left. Or leaved. Somethin.  
  
Okay, now I was pissed...wonder if Scooter's still in his room...could  
kick his pansy ass or somethin  
  
"Oh Jean...yes!!!" girlie squeals abound  
  
What the...ain't Jeannie in the medlab...I slammed open the door and  
there was ol Scooter...fucker took my blow up doll and is havin at it!  
  
"Hey! That's mine! Gimme!" I ran over and grabbed it by the arm,  
tugging. Scott squealed again and just kept goin...freak! "Get off!"  
  
"I'm tryin!!"  
  
Ewwww...too much fuckin information...he can have the damn doll! I   
let  
go of the arm at the same time he pulled on it and fuck, now I went   
and  
fell on the bed!  
  
"Logan...Scott...? What's going on?!?!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Uh-oh...Ororo! Me and Scott just freeze and stare up at her, him   
still  
goin at the blow up doll, me sprawled half on top of him..fuck....  
  
  
" Godess. I never knew you two were so close."  
  
" Ororo its not what you thinl. Its just well, me and uh Betsy here   
were talkin, and Logan came and interupted us-"  
  
"And you have your pants down and Betsy's skirt up because why?"   
  
" Jean's gone and I have needs."   
  
"Uh Logan?"  
  
"The doll's mine. And I have BIGGER needs."  
  
Just them Jean came running into the room. "Scott, what's going on?"   
  
"Oh my God! You're cheating on my with Logan?!"   
  
" Well Jean, to be fair, Logan and a blow up doll."  
  
" Hey, pansy I never agreed to help you cheat on Jean, you fuckin'   
sicko. I'm gonna go see Rogue and her flower powder."   
  
  
Inside Rogue's room, the flower powder had spilt and taken on a   
shape more terrifying than all five Backstreet boys...."  
  
"Logan, help! Jerry Falwell is after me!"   
  
Logan ran to the room, just in time to see a monster-sized Jerry pick   
little Rogue up.  
  
"Young lady. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal   
saviour?"   
  
"Well, uh...."   
  
"Well, uh...." Marie looked a little stumped on that   
one. "Jesus...is  
that the little cuban kid who floated here on a raft? Yep, know  
him...why?"  
  
Giant Jerry roared in fury and picked up his bible the size of the  
fucking bed. "I rebuke you oh heathen sinner!!!"  
  
I got there just in time before Giant Jerry smacked poor Rogue upside  
the head with his bible the size of the bed....hey, that  
rhymed...hehehe...oh yeah, savin Rogue, right!  
  
I knew just how to defeat this monster! I grabbed Scott, who was   
passin  
by the door, and gave him a big wet kiss!  
  
"Noooooo!!!" Giant Jerry screamed "Homoseckshewals!!!!!"   
  
"That's right, Giant Jerry...and we're pagan and Marie's a feminist   
and  
we ALL donate to the ACLU!!!" Mwahahahaha!!!! I had him now!  
  
"ARRGGHHH!!!!! NOOO!!!!!!!" Giant Jerry shriveled slowly into a tiny  
pile of flower-powder on the floor.  
  
"So...Logan...wanna go out sometime?" Scott asked, lickin his   
lips.....  
  
  
  
  
  
"I would Scott, but I love Marie."   
  
"What?"   
  
Shit, did I say that out loud? Uh and why am I asking that out loud   
anyway? What is wrong with me?   
  
"You love me? You really love me!" Marie screamed in all her Sally   
Field-like gloey.   
  
"Oh my, my oh hell yes, honey put on that party dress." I quoted the   
great Tom Petty, girls love that stuff.  
  
"But Logan, I thought you loved me?" Scott pouted in a whiny voice.   
  
"That wasn't a bananna in your pocket when you fell on top of me you   
know."   
  
"Actually Scott, it was," I say as I pull a bananna out of my   
pocket "I've been a little low on potassium lately."   
  
"Damn! I never get what I want!" Scott pouted again.  
  
Logan, kill Scott and put him out of my misery please.   
  
" Right here? It'll make a big mess on the carpet darlin'."   
  
"So, I wanted to change the theme of my room to blood red anyway."  
  
I shruged my shoulders and skewered old Scoot, right then and there.   
Its not like she was asking for the moon or anything.   
  
"Logan, do you want to get married?"   
  
"Why yes Marie, I'd fuckin' love too."   
  
"Logan, I didn't ask you that." Marie said with a puzzled look.   
  
"Then who did?"   
  
I turned around and was shocked to see...........   
  
  
  
  
"Chuck?"  
  
"Yes, Logan...you see, I am a homosekshewal...er, I mean a queer...gay  
even. I lost my boyfriend Magneto to his whole Mutate-the-world-  
leaders  
thing and really, I don't go in for prison romances...much."  
  
I gaped at him. "Hey, Chuck, man...for a baldie you're pretty hot  
but...I think I love Marie...I think I love her, so what am I so  
afraid...FUCK!" Damn David Cassidy..think it was him anyway. He  
oughtta be shot for ever openin his mouth!  
  
Chuck looked so sad that I kinda felt sorry for him. "But ya know...I  
think Scott might be interested...he's on the rebound from losin me   
but  
if you don't mind..."  
  
Never got the chance to finish my sentance cuz Chuck wheeled away down  
the hall towards Scott's room that he left skid marks!  
  
"Jeez...now who's gonna clean that mess up?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I don't know. And I don't give a flying fuck."   
  
"Marie, I think I love you. Know, I know I love you, I think.   
Shit. I want you to want me, I need you to need me. I oh fuck me   
for Christ's sake."   
  
The flower powder was bubbling ominously. "Did somebody say CHrist?"   
  
"No! God is dead!" Marie shouted bravely.   
  
"Oh, okay well in that case, see you in hell sinners!"   
  
"Marie, I'm not much of a catch. I mean if I were a fish, I'd   
probably be a placostimus, you know a garbage fish. The kind that   
nobody wants and everybody throws away. Its just that you, you   
complete me, amd make me whole in ways that noone else on earth can   
do."   
  
"Shut up. You had me at the begining of this crazy story."   
  
"I did? Why? How?"   
  
"Well because, some evil writers have designated this as a   
Wolverine/Rogue fanfiction site. No matter what, we'll end up living   
together in peace. Or in some cases pieces."   
  
"Shit. You mean I went through all that singin, whinin, feelin'   
spewing crap for nothing! Now I'm pissed."   
  
"No, no Logan see this is perfect. We'll just kill all the writers   
and be together forever before they get a change to kill one of us,   
or seperate us or anything!"   
  
"That sounds like a fuckin' good idea. Let's do it."   
  
"Deal. But first, lets get out of this stupid ass mansion."   
  
"WHere should we go?"   
  
"Well I have this friend. She could probably hook us up with a cabin   
up north........."  
  
THE END. THE END. THE END. THE END. THE END. THE END. THE END.  
  
Brought to you by:   
  
Wolvie's! and Autumn  
  
We're fully aware that we need therapy and/or a long, long, long nap.  
  
  



End file.
